Hello World

Hi World, it is 2024 now.

It's been 11 years and about 6 months since my last post. How is everyone doing? I hope everyone is doing fine and better than they are 11 years ago. Many things have changed, we no longer use Yahoo and MSN messenger, it's all Whatsapp, Tele or Line now. Even Twitter has changed to X. Forum like the one we once had is sooo outdated now.

I suddenly reminisce so many things from 2007 to 2012. These people that i misses so very much but I never had the courage to tell them nor start a conversation with them. But I hope they all know that I still keep them in my mind and heart. I do know that some of them are married now, and some are divorcee. Some moved to other country (near and far), some are still in Jakarta. 

I pray that you are healthy and happy, ladies.

Me myself has matured a lot in my journey. I have grown from naive to realistic. I started to understand how the world works, much to disagree with but many to compromise. I have had a long term relationship, and lost it too.. I have had new friends while retaining the old ones. But overall, life has been kind to me. 

I'll close my greetings for today. Not sure whether anyone will read this message or not. But if you do, then.. hello and thank you. I'll see you again.

02.10.24 ~ via, even a broken heart can beat again

Soulmate - The Analogy

Pencarian pasangan? Biasanya gampang-gampang susah. Kalo menurutku, mencari pasangan itu hampir sama seperti mencari nomor telepon mobile.

Kecocokannya tergantung oleh situasi, kondisi dan lokasi. Yang bagus di kamu, belom berarti bagus di aku. Walaupun harganya mahal, kalo di tempatku jelek signalnya, tetep aja mendingan pilih yg murah meriah tapi signalnya lantjar djaja. Jadi, intinya.. Kebutuhan masing-masing orang itu berbeda. Dan tidak bisa dipaksakan untuk sama.

Yang kedua, keterbatasan. Kalo misalnya kamu berada di pelosok nan jauh disana, dimana cuma bisa dijangkau oleh operator telepon si merah (yg katanya signalnya kuat di seluruh nusantara), nah.. Mau ga mau kamu akan tetep memilih pakai itu, kan? Soalnya ga ada pilihan lagi.. Eh! ada dink.. Pilihannya adalah.. Pakai operator itu, atau ga pakai sama sekali. Hehe

Yang ketiga, kadang2, kamu bertahan dengan 1 operator karena sudah terbiasa dengan operator itu.. Dan banyak orang yang sudah tahu nomor tersebut. Makanya, dibuang sayang. Walaupun signal kresek2, suka dodol, telepon semenit mati, dll dsb.. Tapi karena sudah terbiasa, jadinya agak ragu2 ganti operator yang lain. Kadang ada juga, yang pake lebih dari 1 nomor, 1 yang nomor utama, untuk dibawa kemana-mana, 1 lagi nomor cadangan.. yang bisa dipakai kalo nomor utamanya "ngambek" atau "bermasalah". (If you know what i mean ;))

Kadang kita memilih operator juga hanya berdasarkan penampilannya yang cantik, misalnya nomornya cantik, atau iklannya menggoda (iklan disini bisa diartikan juga seperti promosi dari teman-teman kita mengenai si seseorang itu). Akhirnya, kita termakan juga deh.. Dan kalaupun misalnya nomor itu punya signal yg jelek, tapi berhubung nomornya cantik.. Sayang juga dibuang. Paling, ujung2nya.. Nyari lagi deh nomor cadangan itu ;)

Satu lagi, ada yang hobinya gonta ganti nomor, icip-icip sana sini, tapi ga pernah bisa nentuin pilihan, karena masing2 operator ada kelebihannya. Ada yang jangkauannya luas, ada yang signalnya cukup baik, ada yg internetnya kencang.. Akhirnya karena ga bisa milih, either dia gonta-ganti, atau dipakai semua deh nomornya.

Nah, kerugiannya, kalo kita punya banyak nomor, selain pengeluaran extra, kita juga pusing karena mesti bawa 2 hp (kecuali pakai HP Cina yang bisa multi simcard. Tapi konon katanya radiasinya gede banget. Ga bagus untuk kesehatan jangka panjang).

Satu perbedaan antara multiple sim card dan multiple partner (red: pasangan).Yaitu.. kalau simcard dua-duanya dibawa jalan berbarengan, ga ada yg bakalan marah atau ngambek. Hehehehe

24.04.13 ~ via, yang ga pengen ganti "nomor"

Goodbyes?

“I still cannot understand how he could abandon me so unceremoniously, without any sort of goodbye, without looking back even once. The pain is like an axe that chops my heart. ” 
― Yann Martel, Life of Pi

I'm one of those type who dislike to say goodbye to all the things around them. But there is no eternity, and goodbyes are inevitable.

Because of my antipathy of goodbyes, I tend to withdraw quietly.. Just to avoid all the dramas. But you see, a line in a movie I watched recently made me realize that leaving without a proper goodbyes somehow feels like an abandonment. And it will hurt those who were left.

I understand that now, but finding a way to say proper goodbyes without too much drama is still pretty much difficult for me. And while I am working on that, I would like to apologize to the people I have hurt in the past, and maybe in present time for I have not given them the proper goodbyes.

23.01.13 ~ via, there is "good" in goodbyes

Apa bedanya suka dan cinta?

Dear friends,

Sebuah topic dari seorang teman di facebook membuat saya ingin menulis ini. Topicnya adalah sebuah pertanyaan yang tidak pernah ada habisnya, yaitu "apa bedanya antara suka dan cinta?". Pertanyaan ini pernah kudengar berpuluh-puluh kali, dari berpuluh-puluh orang, dan bertahun-tahun diulang dan diulang. Beberapa komentar dari teman-teman dibawahnya memang bagus. Tapi ada 1 yang berhasil menarik perhatianku.

Pas org yg u suka sakitin lo,lo bakal marah n benci dy...pas org yg u sayang sakitin lo, lo bakal nangis...tp pas org yg u cinta nyakitin lo,lo cm bakal blg " gpp...dy cm ge ga tau ap yg dy lakuin..tar jg balik lg"..hehehe...ngoce ga jelas d g...

Aku suka sekali jawaban ini. It's sad.. but it's amazingly true. Seringkali aku mendengar atau merasakan sendiri tentang cinta. Bagaimana orang lain jatuh cinta, kemudian berbunga-bunga dan begitu memuja.. Segala macam rayuan gombal, kata-kata manis keluar dengan mudahnya dari bibir anak manusia.

Tapiii.. *Bang!* ketika cinta itu tak berbalas, atau istilah kerennya "disakitin" (walaupun disakitin itu banyak kategorinya dan tergantung dari sudut pandang mana kamu melihat), mulailah quotes di atas berlaku. Mulailah ada rasa benci, mulailah caci maki melesat seperti peluru yang ditembakkan dari senapan mesin. Dor Dor Dor..!! Karena masih dalam batas suka? Ya.. mungkin saja. Karena tidak tulus? Ya.. mungkin juga.

Dan ketika.. (saya ulang lagi) ketika.. kamu benar-benar cinta, mungkin benar seperti quote di atas. 1 cacian pun tidak ada, hanya ketulusan mencintai yang tampak. Beruntunglah mereka-mereka yang dicintai seperti itu. Beruntunglah juga orang-orang yang pernah mencintai seperti itu. Karena bagi kalian, cinta itu tulus dan bukan hanya sekedar investasi semata. Cinta bukan sekedar gombal, bukan yang terucap di bibir, tapi apa yang dirasakan dalam hati.

Kepada pemilik comment di atas, terima kasih atas pencerahannya. It's a very good answer!

Dan kepada teman-teman yang belum merasakan arti cinta sepenuhnya, semoga tulisan ini dapat memberikan (setidaknya) sedikiitt pencerahan

PS: Kalau kata teman baikku, cinta itu seperti cappucino.. yah, mungkin juga.. mau diminum cepat-cepat, jadi cepat habis. mau diminum pelan-pelan, keburu dingin. Serba salah. Tapi, diminum seperti apapun.. setidaknya kamu pernah merasakan manis dan pahitnya sebuah cappucino. :)

19.04.09 ~ via, bangga karena pernah mencintai

Evolution

Transformation. Evolution. Growth. Progression. you name it. You see, I was told by a wise man once, in this life there is only one thing that will never change. That is, the change itself.

A few months ago when I was traveling, I met this nice couple. They teach me about evolving. How every relationship can keep on growing stronger if you evolve together. Even now, after their 6th anniversary, they still evolve together. It's pretty nice, if you ask me. Well, for me.. one thing I know for sure. my tummy has evolved to be rounder and bigger. LOL.

How do you cope with changes? Do you fear changes or you like changes? Would you dare to get out from your comfort zone? What will you do when people asks you to change? I'm one of that person whose life changes drastically from one time to another. I can't really say that I relish it nor do I detest it, but these changes sometimes made quite a big impact on my life, and sometimes it made me forgot where I'm standing at the moment.

The good thing about changes is that, you'll know that nothing stays forever. Harsh time will not be forever, you will see the light somewhere along the way. And that's what makes you keep on going.

Not everyone can deal with changes easily. Most people will hope that bad times would change to good times. but nobody would want good times to change to bad times. Well, that's obvious isn't it? Who would want bad things? But again, nothing lasts forever. Always be prepared for the rainy days, put your pride on the second level, and keep in mind that the world will keep on turning and evolving no matter what you do. Last but not least, understand that time can never be turned back. So make the best use of all the time you have.

Can you?

Without accepting the fact that everything changes, we cannot find perfect composure. But unfortunately, although it is true, it is difficult for us to accept it. Because we cannot accept the truth of transience, we suffer. ~Shunryu Suzuki

21.09.10 ~ via, transforming

Circle of Relationships

Waw, sudah lama sekali sepertinya saya tidak pernah meng-update blog ini. Sering kali saya menulis satu atau dua paragraph, kemudian saya berhenti sampai disana dan saya tutup. But anyway, I'm thinking of something today.. So, I'm gonna share it here.

Circle of relationship.. kayaknya hampir ada the same pattern.

nanti si ini bisa kenal dengan si anu, become friends.

ada yang friends becomes lover.

then lover broke up become friends again.

ada yang lover broke up become enemies.

ada juga yang friends become enemies.

maybe ada enemies become friends

tapi kok jarang enemies become lovers (hahaha)

All of it have their own history, and all of this history are written in our forum, our sms boxes, our e-mailboxes, stuff that we have. It may be worth Rp 350,- per sms (or maybe sometimes it's free), but the sentimental value is priceless. One single t-shirt with "friends forever" written on it, may worth Rp 50.000,- and still the sentimental value is priceless.

A piece of digital photo which may worth nothing in material value, but it worths more in our hearts. The smile in that photo tells it all. All the travels that we made together, all the laughs that we shared together, the stupid mistakes we point at each other, what is the material worth? ZERO. But this FREE stuff are the things that keeps us feel alive, put smiles in our lips, and warmth in our heart.

Sometimes.. sometimes when all the negative vibes starts to eat you alive, think of it. Think of all these "free" stuff you're getting. And feel blessed, because you still have something that money can't buy.

A true friend is the greatest of all blessings, and that which we take the least care of all to acquire ~ Francois De La Rochefoucauld

14.05.10 ~ via, a lil' bit of 'nothing'

The G-dar

Akhir-akhir ini saya sering travelling. Melihat bermacam2 orang di airport dari beragam ras, suku dan bangsa.

Suatu saat, di airport luar negeri.. saya sedang berjalan menuju gate, sampai tiba2 menggelegar suara tawa yg begitu khas, memecah keheningan. Dalam hati saya berkata "ah, pasti orang Indonesia". Dan tak lama berselang, terdengar sekilas perbincangan mereka. Ah, tepat tebakan saya. Memang orang Indonesia.

Dari sana saya jadi berpikir, memang yah setiap orang / karakter itu memiliki keunikannya sendiri. Kadang, dari gelak tawa saja, kita bisa menebak apakah itu orang Indonesia, Eropa, Australia, Chinnese, atau bahkan Indian.

Apakah demikian halnya dengan lesbian? Ataukah, itu yg disebut dengan gaydar? Apakah itu sebabnya orang yg sering atau sudah lama berkutat di komunitas sering mengatakan "gaydar gua makin lama makin keasah nih". Yang maksudnya, semakin lama mereka terjun di komunitas, semakin kuat pula gaydar mereka.

Memang, semua punya keunikan sendiri-sendiri. Lesbian pun begitu. Nah.. tapi, kalau saya ditanya; gimana sih membedakan nya? Atau apa sih keunikannya?

Well, I can only answer you, don't think about it... Just feel it :)

21.10.09 ~ via, not trying to open a gaydar course

You and I

Chris Brown feat. Keri Hilson - Superhuman

Weak
I have been crying and crying for weeks
How'd i survive when i can barely speak
Barely eat, On my knees

But that's the moment u came to me
I don't know what your love has done to me
Think I'm invisible
I see though the me I used to be

Reff:
You changed my whole life
Don't know what you're doing to me with your love
I'm feeling all super human, you did this to me
A super human heart beats in me
Nothing can stop me here with you
Super human

Strong
Since i've been flying and righting the wrongs
Feels almost like i've had it all along
And i can see tomorrow

Where is problem is gone because
I flew everywhere with love inside of me
It's unbelievable to see how love can set me free

(Reff)

It's not a bird, not a plane
It's my heart and it's going, gone away
My only weakness is you
Only reason is you
Every minute with you
I feel like I can do anything
Going going, I'm gone away! Love..

(Reff)

You..
came without warning

You..
gave me the sweetest smile and since then, that smile has never leave my heart

You..
who always able to find a way to calm and pacify me, even when the whole world is going crazy

You..
filled my day and nights with happiness. (It's always you..)

You..
the one who is always there for me
the one who lend an ear and a shoulder for me to rely on

You..
always be the first to catch me when I fall, and carry me to a place where it's safe

You..
always sees the best in me and accept me as I am

I..
learn to cry in your arms and let go of all my defenses

I..
learn to love and be loved as a whole, with you

I..
still have that butterfly in me, whenever you speak my name

I..
am truly grateful that you came to my life

I..
feel like I can do anything with you by my side
feel like a superhuman

I..
have found that missing piece, cos you complete me

and I..
promise you all my love and devotion

Baby, I know the road hasn't been easy and there will still be more rocky roads ahead. But because you are here, I know that there is nothing more to fear. You have put back the missing puzzles in my heart and you comfort it with love and tenderness. Thank you is just not enough for all that you have given me. You've made me a better person.

To you.. I bestow my love and my life, my dear 'B'.

For always,
Your 'P' :)

18.09.09 ~ via, it's unbelievable to see how love can set me free