Hello World

Hi World, it is 2024 now.

It's been 11 years and about 6 months since my last post. How is everyone doing? I hope everyone is doing fine and better than they are 11 years ago. Many things have changed, we no longer use Yahoo and MSN messenger, it's all Whatsapp, Tele or Line now. Even Twitter has changed to X. Forum like the one we once had is sooo outdated now.

I suddenly reminisce so many things from 2007 to 2012. These people that i misses so very much but I never had the courage to tell them nor start a conversation with them. But I hope they all know that I still keep them in my mind and heart. I do know that some of them are married now, and some are divorcee. Some moved to other country (near and far), some are still in Jakarta. 

I pray that you are healthy and happy, ladies.

Me myself has matured a lot in my journey. I have grown from naive to realistic. I started to understand how the world works, much to disagree with but many to compromise. I have had a long term relationship, and lost it too.. I have had new friends while retaining the old ones. But overall, life has been kind to me. 

I'll close my greetings for today. Not sure whether anyone will read this message or not. But if you do, then.. hello and thank you. I'll see you again.

02.10.24 ~ via, even a broken heart can beat again

Soulmate - The Analogy

Pencarian pasangan? Biasanya gampang-gampang susah. Kalo menurutku, mencari pasangan itu hampir sama seperti mencari nomor telepon mobile.

Kecocokannya tergantung oleh situasi, kondisi dan lokasi. Yang bagus di kamu, belom berarti bagus di aku. Walaupun harganya mahal, kalo di tempatku jelek signalnya, tetep aja mendingan pilih yg murah meriah tapi signalnya lantjar djaja. Jadi, intinya.. Kebutuhan masing-masing orang itu berbeda. Dan tidak bisa dipaksakan untuk sama.

Yang kedua, keterbatasan. Kalo misalnya kamu berada di pelosok nan jauh disana, dimana cuma bisa dijangkau oleh operator telepon si merah (yg katanya signalnya kuat di seluruh nusantara), nah.. Mau ga mau kamu akan tetep memilih pakai itu, kan? Soalnya ga ada pilihan lagi.. Eh! ada dink.. Pilihannya adalah.. Pakai operator itu, atau ga pakai sama sekali. Hehe

Yang ketiga, kadang2, kamu bertahan dengan 1 operator karena sudah terbiasa dengan operator itu.. Dan banyak orang yang sudah tahu nomor tersebut. Makanya, dibuang sayang. Walaupun signal kresek2, suka dodol, telepon semenit mati, dll dsb.. Tapi karena sudah terbiasa, jadinya agak ragu2 ganti operator yang lain. Kadang ada juga, yang pake lebih dari 1 nomor, 1 yang nomor utama, untuk dibawa kemana-mana, 1 lagi nomor cadangan.. yang bisa dipakai kalo nomor utamanya "ngambek" atau "bermasalah". (If you know what i mean ;))

Kadang kita memilih operator juga hanya berdasarkan penampilannya yang cantik, misalnya nomornya cantik, atau iklannya menggoda (iklan disini bisa diartikan juga seperti promosi dari teman-teman kita mengenai si seseorang itu). Akhirnya, kita termakan juga deh.. Dan kalaupun misalnya nomor itu punya signal yg jelek, tapi berhubung nomornya cantik.. Sayang juga dibuang. Paling, ujung2nya.. Nyari lagi deh nomor cadangan itu ;)

Satu lagi, ada yang hobinya gonta ganti nomor, icip-icip sana sini, tapi ga pernah bisa nentuin pilihan, karena masing2 operator ada kelebihannya. Ada yang jangkauannya luas, ada yang signalnya cukup baik, ada yg internetnya kencang.. Akhirnya karena ga bisa milih, either dia gonta-ganti, atau dipakai semua deh nomornya.

Nah, kerugiannya, kalo kita punya banyak nomor, selain pengeluaran extra, kita juga pusing karena mesti bawa 2 hp (kecuali pakai HP Cina yang bisa multi simcard. Tapi konon katanya radiasinya gede banget. Ga bagus untuk kesehatan jangka panjang).

Satu perbedaan antara multiple sim card dan multiple partner (red: pasangan).Yaitu.. kalau simcard dua-duanya dibawa jalan berbarengan, ga ada yg bakalan marah atau ngambek. Hehehehe

24.04.13 ~ via, yang ga pengen ganti "nomor"

Goodbyes?

“I still cannot understand how he could abandon me so unceremoniously, without any sort of goodbye, without looking back even once. The pain is like an axe that chops my heart. ” 
― Yann Martel, Life of Pi

I'm one of those type who dislike to say goodbye to all the things around them. But there is no eternity, and goodbyes are inevitable.

Because of my antipathy of goodbyes, I tend to withdraw quietly.. Just to avoid all the dramas. But you see, a line in a movie I watched recently made me realize that leaving without a proper goodbyes somehow feels like an abandonment. And it will hurt those who were left.

I understand that now, but finding a way to say proper goodbyes without too much drama is still pretty much difficult for me. And while I am working on that, I would like to apologize to the people I have hurt in the past, and maybe in present time for I have not given them the proper goodbyes.

23.01.13 ~ via, there is "good" in goodbyes

Apa bedanya suka dan cinta?

Dear friends,

Sebuah topic dari seorang teman di facebook membuat saya ingin menulis ini. Topicnya adalah sebuah pertanyaan yang tidak pernah ada habisnya, yaitu "apa bedanya antara suka dan cinta?". Pertanyaan ini pernah kudengar berpuluh-puluh kali, dari berpuluh-puluh orang, dan bertahun-tahun diulang dan diulang. Beberapa komentar dari teman-teman dibawahnya memang bagus. Tapi ada 1 yang berhasil menarik perhatianku.

Pas org yg u suka sakitin lo,lo bakal marah n benci dy...pas org yg u sayang sakitin lo, lo bakal nangis...tp pas org yg u cinta nyakitin lo,lo cm bakal blg " gpp...dy cm ge ga tau ap yg dy lakuin..tar jg balik lg"..hehehe...ngoce ga jelas d g...

Aku suka sekali jawaban ini. It's sad.. but it's amazingly true. Seringkali aku mendengar atau merasakan sendiri tentang cinta. Bagaimana orang lain jatuh cinta, kemudian berbunga-bunga dan begitu memuja.. Segala macam rayuan gombal, kata-kata manis keluar dengan mudahnya dari bibir anak manusia.

Tapiii.. *Bang!* ketika cinta itu tak berbalas, atau istilah kerennya "disakitin" (walaupun disakitin itu banyak kategorinya dan tergantung dari sudut pandang mana kamu melihat), mulailah quotes di atas berlaku. Mulailah ada rasa benci, mulailah caci maki melesat seperti peluru yang ditembakkan dari senapan mesin. Dor Dor Dor..!! Karena masih dalam batas suka? Ya.. mungkin saja. Karena tidak tulus? Ya.. mungkin juga.

Dan ketika.. (saya ulang lagi) ketika.. kamu benar-benar cinta, mungkin benar seperti quote di atas. 1 cacian pun tidak ada, hanya ketulusan mencintai yang tampak. Beruntunglah mereka-mereka yang dicintai seperti itu. Beruntunglah juga orang-orang yang pernah mencintai seperti itu. Karena bagi kalian, cinta itu tulus dan bukan hanya sekedar investasi semata. Cinta bukan sekedar gombal, bukan yang terucap di bibir, tapi apa yang dirasakan dalam hati.

Kepada pemilik comment di atas, terima kasih atas pencerahannya. It's a very good answer!

Dan kepada teman-teman yang belum merasakan arti cinta sepenuhnya, semoga tulisan ini dapat memberikan (setidaknya) sedikiitt pencerahan

PS: Kalau kata teman baikku, cinta itu seperti cappucino.. yah, mungkin juga.. mau diminum cepat-cepat, jadi cepat habis. mau diminum pelan-pelan, keburu dingin. Serba salah. Tapi, diminum seperti apapun.. setidaknya kamu pernah merasakan manis dan pahitnya sebuah cappucino. :)

19.04.09 ~ via, bangga karena pernah mencintai

Evolution

Transformation. Evolution. Growth. Progression. you name it. You see, I was told by a wise man once, in this life there is only one thing that will never change. That is, the change itself.

A few months ago when I was traveling, I met this nice couple. They teach me about evolving. How every relationship can keep on growing stronger if you evolve together. Even now, after their 6th anniversary, they still evolve together. It's pretty nice, if you ask me. Well, for me.. one thing I know for sure. my tummy has evolved to be rounder and bigger. LOL.

How do you cope with changes? Do you fear changes or you like changes? Would you dare to get out from your comfort zone? What will you do when people asks you to change? I'm one of that person whose life changes drastically from one time to another. I can't really say that I relish it nor do I detest it, but these changes sometimes made quite a big impact on my life, and sometimes it made me forgot where I'm standing at the moment.

The good thing about changes is that, you'll know that nothing stays forever. Harsh time will not be forever, you will see the light somewhere along the way. And that's what makes you keep on going.

Not everyone can deal with changes easily. Most people will hope that bad times would change to good times. but nobody would want good times to change to bad times. Well, that's obvious isn't it? Who would want bad things? But again, nothing lasts forever. Always be prepared for the rainy days, put your pride on the second level, and keep in mind that the world will keep on turning and evolving no matter what you do. Last but not least, understand that time can never be turned back. So make the best use of all the time you have.

Can you?

Without accepting the fact that everything changes, we cannot find perfect composure. But unfortunately, although it is true, it is difficult for us to accept it. Because we cannot accept the truth of transience, we suffer. ~Shunryu Suzuki

21.09.10 ~ via, transforming

Circle of Relationships

Waw, sudah lama sekali sepertinya saya tidak pernah meng-update blog ini. Sering kali saya menulis satu atau dua paragraph, kemudian saya berhenti sampai disana dan saya tutup. But anyway, I'm thinking of something today.. So, I'm gonna share it here.

Circle of relationship.. kayaknya hampir ada the same pattern.

nanti si ini bisa kenal dengan si anu, become friends.

ada yang friends becomes lover.

then lover broke up become friends again.

ada yang lover broke up become enemies.

ada juga yang friends become enemies.

maybe ada enemies become friends

tapi kok jarang enemies become lovers (hahaha)

All of it have their own history, and all of this history are written in our forum, our sms boxes, our e-mailboxes, stuff that we have. It may be worth Rp 350,- per sms (or maybe sometimes it's free), but the sentimental value is priceless. One single t-shirt with "friends forever" written on it, may worth Rp 50.000,- and still the sentimental value is priceless.

A piece of digital photo which may worth nothing in material value, but it worths more in our hearts. The smile in that photo tells it all. All the travels that we made together, all the laughs that we shared together, the stupid mistakes we point at each other, what is the material worth? ZERO. But this FREE stuff are the things that keeps us feel alive, put smiles in our lips, and warmth in our heart.

Sometimes.. sometimes when all the negative vibes starts to eat you alive, think of it. Think of all these "free" stuff you're getting. And feel blessed, because you still have something that money can't buy.

A true friend is the greatest of all blessings, and that which we take the least care of all to acquire ~ Francois De La Rochefoucauld

14.05.10 ~ via, a lil' bit of 'nothing'

The G-dar

Akhir-akhir ini saya sering travelling. Melihat bermacam2 orang di airport dari beragam ras, suku dan bangsa.

Suatu saat, di airport luar negeri.. saya sedang berjalan menuju gate, sampai tiba2 menggelegar suara tawa yg begitu khas, memecah keheningan. Dalam hati saya berkata "ah, pasti orang Indonesia". Dan tak lama berselang, terdengar sekilas perbincangan mereka. Ah, tepat tebakan saya. Memang orang Indonesia.

Dari sana saya jadi berpikir, memang yah setiap orang / karakter itu memiliki keunikannya sendiri. Kadang, dari gelak tawa saja, kita bisa menebak apakah itu orang Indonesia, Eropa, Australia, Chinnese, atau bahkan Indian.

Apakah demikian halnya dengan lesbian? Ataukah, itu yg disebut dengan gaydar? Apakah itu sebabnya orang yg sering atau sudah lama berkutat di komunitas sering mengatakan "gaydar gua makin lama makin keasah nih". Yang maksudnya, semakin lama mereka terjun di komunitas, semakin kuat pula gaydar mereka.

Memang, semua punya keunikan sendiri-sendiri. Lesbian pun begitu. Nah.. tapi, kalau saya ditanya; gimana sih membedakan nya? Atau apa sih keunikannya?

Well, I can only answer you, don't think about it... Just feel it :)

21.10.09 ~ via, not trying to open a gaydar course

You and I

Chris Brown feat. Keri Hilson - Superhuman

Weak
I have been crying and crying for weeks
How'd i survive when i can barely speak
Barely eat, On my knees

But that's the moment u came to me
I don't know what your love has done to me
Think I'm invisible
I see though the me I used to be

Reff:
You changed my whole life
Don't know what you're doing to me with your love
I'm feeling all super human, you did this to me
A super human heart beats in me
Nothing can stop me here with you
Super human

Strong
Since i've been flying and righting the wrongs
Feels almost like i've had it all along
And i can see tomorrow

Where is problem is gone because
I flew everywhere with love inside of me
It's unbelievable to see how love can set me free

(Reff)

It's not a bird, not a plane
It's my heart and it's going, gone away
My only weakness is you
Only reason is you
Every minute with you
I feel like I can do anything
Going going, I'm gone away! Love..

(Reff)

You..
came without warning

You..
gave me the sweetest smile and since then, that smile has never leave my heart

You..
who always able to find a way to calm and pacify me, even when the whole world is going crazy

You..
filled my day and nights with happiness. (It's always you..)

You..
the one who is always there for me
the one who lend an ear and a shoulder for me to rely on

You..
always be the first to catch me when I fall, and carry me to a place where it's safe

You..
always sees the best in me and accept me as I am

I..
learn to cry in your arms and let go of all my defenses

I..
learn to love and be loved as a whole, with you

I..
still have that butterfly in me, whenever you speak my name

I..
am truly grateful that you came to my life

I..
feel like I can do anything with you by my side
feel like a superhuman

I..
have found that missing piece, cos you complete me

and I..
promise you all my love and devotion

Baby, I know the road hasn't been easy and there will still be more rocky roads ahead. But because you are here, I know that there is nothing more to fear. You have put back the missing puzzles in my heart and you comfort it with love and tenderness. Thank you is just not enough for all that you have given me. You've made me a better person.

To you.. I bestow my love and my life, my dear 'B'.

For always,
Your 'P' :)

18.09.09 ~ via, it's unbelievable to see how love can set me free

Anger Management

Anu: Ibuuw, lu ga pernah marah ya?
Via: heh? Marah? Ya pernah lah.. gelo kali kalo gua ga pernah marah. Mang robot? :P
Anu: Sumpeh lo bu? kayak apa? gua ga pernah liat lu marah2x
Via: Ga lah, jarang-jarang kok kalo gua marah, itupun kalo uda keterlaluan banget. Dulu malah gua ga bisa marah sama sekali. Hahaha sekarang uda mendingan loh! Uda bisa marah :P
Anu: Mank siapa yang pernah lu marahin?
...
...
.. and so on.. and so on..

Itulah pembicaraan soreku dengan seorang teman lama, beberapa waktu lalu. Topic of the day, "Anger Management".

Entah mengapa dia tiba-tiba melontarkan pertanyaan yang satu itu, tapi itu membuatku berpikir.. Iya, memang.. kalau dibandingkan dengan 5 tahun lalu, aku sedikit banyak telah berubah. Dulu aku tidak pernah bisa, bahkan berpikir marah pun tak sanggup. Tapi sekarang, kalau ada yang menyerobot mobil, atau ada hal yang tidak "benar", aku bisa ngedumel sendiri.. Untung ngedumelnya sendiri, kalo didepan orang-orang.. bisa dikira gila kali hehehe

Aku pikir, marah itu wajar kok. Marah merupakan sebuah bagian dari emosi manusia, dan mengeluarkan amarah -seperti kata para ahli- juga baik untuk kita, daripada dipendam di dalam hati. Hanya saja, marah yang baik itu juga terkontrol. Kadang, kalau amarah itu tak terkontrol, pada akhirnya terjadi penyesalan, kita bisa mengeluarkan kalimat yang semestinya tidak kita keluarkan atau melakukan hal yang tidak semestinya kita lakukan.

Melalui pengalaman, aku mulai belajar mengontrol amarah. Bukan memendamnya.. tidak, tapi mengontrolnya.

Hidup ini saja sudah cukup complicated, ditambah lagi dengan tanggung jawab kita yang semakin lama semakin besar, setiap hari kita akan selalu diuji dan dipancing secara emosional. Nah, dari situ juga kematangan kita diuji.

Kemarin aku baca tulisan Samuel Mulia di koran Kompas yang berjudul "Mati". Walaupun seluruh bagian dari parodi itu menarik, ada 1 bagian yang menarik perhatianku:

Kritik membangun? Saya tak percaya itu. Kritik itu negatif sifatnya dan belum lagi mengutarakannya dengan cara yang membuat jantung deg-degan. Sementara membangun itu positif, bagaimana keduanya bisa dijadikan satu? Bukankah sama saja sia-sianya menyatukan siang dan malam?

Mungkin karena saya takut dikritik, penjelasan di atas itu hanya bisa-bisanya saya saja. Saya takut karena membangun itu kemungkinan juga berarti menjatuhkan dengan cara mulia. Itu pengalaman saya. Saya pernah mengkritik yang tampaknya membangun, tetapi di baliknya hanya punya niat satu, menjatuhkan.

Setelah membaca bagian itu, saya langsung berkata dalam hati, "hahaha.. hebat ini orang, pikirannya ga kayak orang biasa."

Nah, apa hubungannya penggalan itu dengan topikku ini? Ada. Tentu saja ada.

Kemarahan. Bisa jadi positive, bisa jadi negative. Jangan biarkan orang lain memancing amarahmu dan menjadikannya negative. Aku sendiri sedang belajar untuk mengubah amarah itu menjadi sesuatu yang positive. Sulit memang, tapi tidak ada salahnya mencoba. Percayalah, di dunia ini.. sebaik apapun kamu, pasti selalu ada orang yang akan mengkritikmu dan berusaha membuatmu marah. Seperti kata Samuel, mungkin saja di balik kata-kata "kritik membangun" itu ada sebagiannya yang sebetulnya ingin menjatuhkan. Who knows? So, just believe in yourself and don't easily get emotionally triggered.

Dan di sisi lain, kita harus selalu mengingatkan diri kita sebelum kita mencoba mengkritik orang lain. Apakah impactnya? Apakah memang betul diperlukan? Karena, mencoba memancing amarah orang lain hanya untuk menarik perhatiannya, bukanlah sesuatu yang mulia, masih banyak cara lain untuk menarik perhatian orang lain.

Dan ketika antrian kita diserobot orang lain, atau mobil kita dipotong oleh mobil lain, atau ketika orang lain melakukan kesalahan kecil, pikirlah ini.. "apakah kita tidak pernah menyerobot juga? apakah kita tidak pernah melakukan kesalahan juga? apakah memang kita lebih baik daripada dia?". Mungkin dengan begitu, kita bisa lebih mengontrol kemarahan kita.

Good luck in your anger management!

07.07.09 ~ via, trying to change anger to positive energy

PS: bagi yang ingin membaca tulisan Samuel Mulia yang saya maksud, silakan click disini

I Learn.. (Part II)

Sudah 3 tahun berlalu sejak si bocah polos itu melanglang buana di dunia lesbian, dan hampir 2 tahun berlalu sejak dia berbagi pengalamannya di tulisan I Learn..

Sekarang, si bocah sudah beranjak dewasa. Banyak hal yang telah ia lalui, sedih, kesal, sesal, haru, senang, bahagia.. semua menambah pengalaman hidupnya. Bukan hanya sekali dia ingin lari dan menyerah, dan bukan hanya sekali dia berjuang kembali. Pada akhirnya, dia bisa meraih impiannya.

Seperti cerita dalam buku The Alchemyst karangan Paulo Coelho.. di cerita itu si bocah gembala berhasil menemukan hartanya setelah perjuangannya meraih impian dan melanglang buana ke negeri yang tidak pernah ia datangi sebelumnya. Dalam perjalanannya itu pun, dia berjumpa dengan orang-orang baik yang membantunya dan orang-orang jahat yang menipunya. Di akhir cerita, dia menemukan hartanya, menemukan sahabat dan menemukan seorang wanita istimewa yang menjadi pasangan hidupnya.

"Kisah yang indah", pikir si bocah ketika selesai membaca halaman terakhir dari buku itu. Kemudian dia memikirkan hidupnya dan kisah perjalannya melanglang buana di komunitas yang tidak pernah ia datangi sebelumnya.

Ya, mungkin tidak jauh berbeda. Dan tanpa dia sadari, mungkin si bocah telah menemukan harta yang selama ini dia cari. pengalaman yang berharga dan orang-orang yang berarti.

Dan beberapa pelajaran yang dapat dipetiknya:
6. Alam mempunyai kekuatan yang luar biasa, selalu lihat pertanda yang mereka berikan.
7. Ketika kamu percaya dan yakin, segenap alam semesta akan membantumu meraih impianmu.
8. Dengarkan kata hatimu, terkadang dia berbisik pelan.. tapi coba dengarkan.
9. Cinta bisa datang begitu saja, kapan saja dan kepada siapa saja.
10. Jangan berhenti meraih impianmu, karena mungkin suatu saat kamu akan melihat kembali hidupmu dan menyesal karena tidak pernah melakukannya.

(poin 1-5 ada di I Learn Part I :D)

16.06.09 ~ via, still just a kid

2.5 Years of Satupelangi.com

"I will help you as long as you need me."

Gosh! That one sentence really makes it all worthwhile. No matter how hard it has been, no matter how much time and effort that we have put in to make, built and maintain this website.. that simple sentence just makes it all worthwhile. It surely brightens up the long and hard day. Thank you for the continuous support.

You see, when I first decided to make this website, I have this thought in my mind.. that how simple things can change somebody's life. And how people always need a friend at the end of the day. Thus, I believe that a simple website can also change somebody's life (to be better, I hope).

I believe in this virtual world, you can meet all kinds of people. If you are lucky, you can meet those that might -even just a little- be your BFF (Best Friends Forever). Well, we'll never know.. But, I also believe that everyone have the right to feel peace and respect others the way they want to be respected.

Somebody PM'd me a few weeks ago, she told me that she met someone nice from the forum, and she said thank you. Mm, that kinda made me smile a bit. Why? Not because I'm becoming a successful matchmaker. Nope. But because, I am happy that in this forum, a good person can meet a good person. Ha! What can be better than that? Well, like I said.. sometimes, at the end of the day, all we need is a good friend and a good story to share, to laugh, and to remember..

People may come and go, and the memories they bring with them varies. But one thing I know, we will always be there.. always learning and trying to be better, time after time.

I know, no matter how hard we try, things will not always go smoothly. That's the process of learning. But I also believe that when people put their faith on you, you'll have the power to do things beyond what you ever imagined.

And today, we're changing to be better!

After you've done a thing the same way for two years, look it over carefully. After five years, look at it with suspicion. And after ten years, throw it away and start all over. ~Alfred Edward Perlman, New York Times, 3 July 1958

12.04.09 ~ satupelangi.com, keep moving forward.

Friendship and Music

Someone once said to me, "i like the way you talk about friendships". Come to look at it, well yeah.. Most of the topic in this blog is about friendship.

If you ask me, I would say.. friendship is like music. There are music that we can instantly like, even if we only hear the first 3 seconds of it. There are some that we halt after hearing the first few seconds. There also the kinds that we have to listen for quite some time, over and over again, til we realize the meaning, and we starts to like it.

In certain times, we stop listening to our favorite musics and safely store it in our CD boxes or hard disks. And maybe some time in the future, we'll browse our collections and bump in to this song, the song that we used to like very much. And we'll put it in our music player and starts listening to it.. the melodies, the lyrics.. indulge us in reminiscence.

Some music can lift our spirit, make us feel energized, and some make us feel comfortable and relaxed, some other have melodramatic melodies, and it can make us feel sad and blue.

But, we can't live without music, like we can't live without friends..

21.03.09 ~ via, listening to my favorite music

Thank You

Secret Garden - THANK YOU
(lyrics by Brendan Graham)

If I lived to be a thousand years,
If I ruled the word – it’s hemispheres,
I could not repay the love you brought my way,
So, I want to say it now
To thank you for each day you gave me.

Chorus:
Thank you for the Mondays,
Saturdays and Sundays,
Everyday, the whole year through;
Thank you for the fun days,
All those number-one days,
Battles-to-be-won days, too;
I just want to say it,
Thank you for each day with…you.

We have just one life to seize the day,
We only have what time there is to say…
‘n’do what we must do, express our gratitude,
So, I want to say it and sing it now to you.

[Chorus]

At the close of every day,
When I close my eyes to pray,
All I need to do, is just to think of you…
Then, all I need to say…is…

[Chorus]

Sebelum tahun ini akhirnya berakhir, aku ingin mengucapkan terima kasih kepada malaikat-malaikat pelindungku yang tanpa kusadari, selama ini selalu berada di sana dan melihatku. Terima kasih karena selalu menjagaku, terima kasih karena selalu menjadi tempat aku berkeluh kesah, terima kasih karena selalu mengajari aku menjadi orang yang lebih baik, terima kasih karena selalu memberi aku kekuatan untuk tidak menyerah.

Dan kepada satu malaikatku yang paling spesial, terima kasih untuk setiap hari yang kau ceriakan. Terima kasih untuk setiap hari kita berbagi. Terima kasih untuk setiap hari ... bersamamu.

I know this smile is here, because of you..

29.12.08 ~ via, thanks to you

Wishes

"I wish I can be slimmer"
"I wish she knew how I feel"
"I wish there will be no traffic jam"
"I wish it's not gonna rain today"

Does all that sounds familiar to you? Well, each of us has something that we wished for; every second, every minute and every hour of our lives. Big or small. Every wishes that we make are all in favor for a better, easier, and happier life.

Me myself too, made some wishes.. which I wanna share with you:
- Before I discover this marvellous L world, I kept on wishing I can find this special place where I belong, I kept on dreaming that someday I can meet people who is just like me. who is.. special.

- When I entered this world, I wish I can give back something to the community.. I wish I can help those people who have the same questions and confusions as much as I did. Those, who are looking for answers but can't find the way to it.

- When I finally have something that I can give, I wish that it can be helpful for everyone. I wish they can feel comfortable and happy. Thus, it will make me happy too.

- When I'm feeling hopeless and confused, I wish that I can get through the hard times and become a better person afterwards.

- When I fell in love with a girl, I wish she could just see what's inside of me, and she could've loved me the way that I loved her. I wish... she could be mine.

But things doesn't always happen exactly like what I'd wished for. Sometimes it's better, sometimes it's worse. No matter what, the wishes are always there.. giving me hope for a better life.

There's one story from a good friend of mine, which inspires me to write about "wishes":

It's about a 7 year old boy who found a magical necklace that can grant any wishes of the beholder. However, the wishes is like a time machine, it can only be done towards the future.

The first wish he made is, to become a teenager so that he can go anywhere and everywhere he wants without getting scold by his parents. *cring!*

He got it.. he is a free young man now. However, he is not satisfied. He wants to be an adult who has a stable job and making his own money. then again, *cring!* he got what he wished for. Now, he is a 30ish man and is married to a beautiful wife..

One day he was walking around the park and he sees a rich and successful man. He then thinks, "It's gonna be fun to be like that!" So, he made another wish. *cring!*

There, he became a 45 year old successful and rich man, and he had one grandchild. He enjoyed living in that life for a while. Until, he sees a much richer man who has many companies and doesn't even need to work anymore.

U guess? Yep! He made another wish to be a billionaire. *cring!*

In a blink of an eye, he became a 70 years old billionaire who owns many companies, a yacht and a private jet. He is happy at that time, and one day, he is travelling around the world in his yacht.

Suddenly, he feels so tired.. the body won't compromise. Most of his friends are old and dying. His parents and in-laws had passed away, so did his wife. His children are busy with their own lives. At that very moment, he realized he is alone and how lonely this world is. While, everything goes so fast, without him ever experiencing any ups and downs of his life. He got his wishes to easily and he took it for granted.

The moral of the story is: Life is a journey and it's not just a sudden loop from one dot to another.

---

Well, every step in our life, every wishes we made, every hope that we have inside our heart. Everything! makes our life worthwhile. Life is a journey, and every journey isn't always gonna be flawless, sometimes we have to get through an ugly and winding road to get to our destination. Sometimes it even feels scary, but hey.. you gotta make it somehow, cos there's no turning back. Time will never wait.

Oh, and yeah.. wishes do sometimes come true. So, becareful what you wished for! ;)

04.12.08 ~ via, wishing all the best for all of you

BFF (Best Friends Forever)

"gua thanks God banget gua punya lu dan rosie"

Nyess.. Mendengar kata-kata itu, jantungku berhenti berdegup selama beberapa detik. Membuatku jadi teringat disaat kita pernah bertengkar keras untuk pertama kalinya. Disaat kusangka persahabatan kita akan berakhir, tetapi ternyata persahabatan kita semakin erat dan mantap. Berkali-kali mungkin ada batu kerikil yang menggoyangkan persahabatan kita. Tapi teman, sudah banyak yg kita lewati dan kamu masih disini untukku.

Sahabat, sudah berapa banyak teman yang kutemui selama ini.. berapa persahabatan yang kujalin.. dan berapa banyak dari mereka yang masih ada untukku sekarang?

Sahabat, kau yang memarahi aku disaat otakku sedang linglung dan kau yang selalu ada disana ketika aku sedang membutuhkan pundak untuk menyandar

Sahabat, kau yang selalu percaya padaku dan mendukungku untuk semua keputusan yang aku pilih dikala orang-orang lain meragukan aku

Sahabat, kau yang selalu mengingatkan aku agar tidak melewati garis itu dan yang selalu mengulurkan tanganmu untuk aku kembali setiap kali aku lusuh dan terluka karena melanggar peringatanmu

Hmm..

Aku, seorang Via.. sungguh sangat beruntung karena memiliki sahabat yang setia dan mereka sungguh luar biasa. 2 sahabat yang masih ada sampai sekarang dari kuliah. dan sahabat-sahabat baru di dunia "spesial" ku ini. dan kelihatannya akan datang sahabat-sahabat baru lagi. U know who u are.. :)

---

To Miss Zhen,

Thanks a lot for sticking with me through all this time. You are always there for me, lending your warm hands and giving your trust in me. Nobody knows me better than u :) inside and out.

To Miss Tjong,

I still remember you once said, "duh, gua jadi takut sekarang kalo mo ngomong sama lu. takut salah omong" do you still remember? :) and now we're good as ever.

You are one of the first person I knew in this "special" world and you've given me a lot. You've been my guiding star and you never leave me stray. Thanks a lot

To Miss Sun,

Thanks for accompanying me late at night in the middle of crisis. I still remember, in that second time you were saying "Vi, kok gua ngerasa kayak deja vu ya?" hahaha.. it surely is.

It's been nice to know you. From the first time we chat, I always knew you're one good person to be with. Welcome to our circle of friends :)

To Miss Ong,

Thanks for always thinking of me, believing in me and caring for me all this time. You know I always wanted the best for you too and I always believe that you'll make the best for urself.

To Miss R,

It's been a while since our last chat. :) I also missed the time when we can chat on the phone for more than 4 hours talking from A-Z. You're always a good discussion partner, with your broad and great knowledge

To Miss E,

Thanks for everything. You've always been the first person to come and rescue in my hard times. Be there to pick me up and send me home every saturday we went for Yoga :) I always remembered the time we screamed hard and loud in the street. hahaha

To Miss V,

It's been sometime since we went out together, eh? I missed cooking instant noodle together in your house in the middle of the nite. Do u still remember? I also missed how my message window always popped out whenever something interesting happened to you.

To Miss S,

You are like a little sister to me. Thanks for always making me smile when I'm down.

To Miss MW,

There's nothing to say but thanks. You've been a great teacher to me even if I had to learn it the hard way. You once said that someday I will be thankful to you, and now that day has come. Thank you. :)

To Miss I,

Thanks for always being there for me, to listen to all my whine and cry. Thanks for giving me a warm shoulder to lean on whenever I feel tired and weak. Thanks and thanks and thanks again..

To Miss J (who complained 2 days ago cos her name wasn't here),

I accidentally knew you. But it has always been a pleasant to know you. Maybe someday I can hear you sing those mellow romantic songs while eating fried rice again hahaha.. Thanks for being my discussion partner and one that can make me feel relaxed.

To other misses,

You know i cannot mention your name one by one, but please do remember that I remembered all of you. Thanks for all the great memories you've given me. These memories changed my life better each and every day.

---

I don't know when friendship starts and I also don't know when it will end. All I know is just to make the best of it. And when the time comes, let's just remember all the great memories. And be thankful, 'cos you are blessed, you are loved and someone out there cares for you.

26.09.08 ~ via, thank God I met all of you too

Kemarin

Setahun kemarin ..
Ada yang pergi dan ada yang datang

Setahun kemarin ..
Sebuah sms menghancurkan sebongkah hati ini

Setahun kemarin ..
Pikiran ini jungkir balik tak menentu

Setahun kemarin ..
Kesalahan terbesar di dalam 24 tahun hidupku

Setahun kemarin ..
Tak disangka, Engkau datang mengisi keheningan ini


Enam bulan kemarin ..
Kita saling menyakiti dan menghancurkan kepercayaan yang ada

Enam bulan kemarin ..
Kedamaian terusik dan segalanya pun berubah

Enam bulan kemarin ..
Hal lain terjadi. Lucutan senjata menyeruak di tengah keheningan

Enam bulan kemarin ..
Kita memenangkan perang itu, tapi semua pihak hancur dan terluka. Unrepairable damaged caused.

Enam bulan kemarin ..
Di kala hati ini terluka dan hangus, Engkau membubuhkan garam di atasnya

Enam bulan kemarin ..
Aku memilih diam


Tiga bulan kemarin ..
Fitnah dari mulut-mulut beracun itu menyebar demi mempertahankan ego dan gengsi mereka sendiri

Tiga bulan kemarin ..
Aku memilih diam. Biarlah racun itu tetap disana. Biarlah mereka merasa bangga dengan ego mereka sendiri. Aku diam.

Tiga bulan kemarin ..
Engkau masih menyalahkan aku. Tidakkah pernah kau berkaca pada cermin disana?

Tiga bulan kemarin ..
Segalanya menjadi beku dan tak berasa, hati ini biru dan mengeras

Tiga bulan kemarin ..
Hampa

Tiga bulan kemarin ..
...


Sekarang ..
Aku masih memilih diam

Sekarang ..
Aku memilih tenang

Sekarang ..
Aku mendapatkan kebahagiaanku. Terima kasih wahai engkau, malaikat dari surga.


19.09.08 ~ via, to be continued..

---

"For everything there is a season,
And a time for every matter under heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die;
A time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
A time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to seek, and a time to lose;
A time to keep, and a time to throw away;
A time to tear, and a time to sew;
A time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate,
A time for war, and a time for peace."

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

When It's Over

Last night, the wind whispers to me.. "It's over, get up and look up to the sky. It's a brand new day tommorow". The quite sound of the night and the sound of the wind pacificate me into a sweet dream. It's calm and peaceful.

After a few months of hardship and losing sleep, I finally can get my good night sleep. One by one, I stumbled the stones of troubles. No more hatred, no more anger, no more resentments and the best of all, no more nuisance. It's calm and peaceful.

This morning, I look at the big sky. It's blue and clear. With the white clouds moving slowly from one side to another. Hmm, another brand new day.. light.. as if I had the wings to fly. It's calm and peaceful.

When it's over, you will learn that there's a price to pay for everything. There are things you sacrifice in order to gain another. And there will always be an end for every story. Nothing in this human world is eternal.

And what do you do? You close the old chapters in your book of life, and prepare to write a new chapter in this new blank page.

At the end of the day (before you close your eyes and stop breathing), you can read your "book of life" all over again. And... smile.

"Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end." - Seneca

15.04.08 ~ via, opening a new page

My Valentine

"Love is like a piece of art work, even the smallest bit can be so beautiful" - Stacie Cunningham

Kenal dengan istilah "everyday is valentine"? Aku juga salah satu orang yang merasa bahwa hari valentine itu sama seperti hari-hari lainnya. Tapi, tahun ini terasa berbeda. Tahun ini, aku merasakan artinya merayakan hari Valentine.

Hari ini adalah hari khusus dimana kita bisa menyampaikan rasa kasih kita terhadap orang2 yang kita sayangi, baik yang bersama kita sekarang ataupun yang sudah lama tidak kita jumpai tetapi tetap menempati posisi di dalam hati kita.

Hari ini adalah hari disaaat kita mengirimkan sms-sms sayang, menelepon orang-orang yang kita sayang, atau memberikan pelukan kepada orang2 terdekat kita.

Hari ini, aku mengingat mereka yang pernah aku sayangi. Mereka yang pernah hadir dan mewarnai hidupku. Mereka yang kini sudah terasa jauh, walaupun dekat di mata. Dan hari ini aku gunakan untuk memberitahu mereka bahwa, mereka pernah mengisi hati ini dan pernah dicintai dan disayangi oleh seorang Via, dan bahwa mereka masih diingat sampai sekarang.

Hari ini, aku ingin memperbaiki kesalahan yang pernah terjadi terhadap orang-orang yang aku sayangi. Kesalahan yang mengakibatkan kami menjadi jauh dan asing. Kesalahan yang tidak seharusnya terjadi.

Valentine, bukan hanya sekedar coklat atau hadiah-hadiah mahal yang kita berikan. Tapi, Valentine.. adalah saat bagi kita untuk mendekatkan diri, memaafkan, melupakan dan menyayangi.

To my family, my loved ones, my best friends, my friends and to you readers:
I wish you love on this Valentine's day! :)

A little story about Valentine:

Valentine, adalah nama seorang Santo yang hidup pada kerajaan Romawi sekitar Abad III Masehi. Pada saat itu, sang raja melarang para pemuda untuk menikah, karena menurutnya tentara yang masih belum bekeluarga akan lebih kuat dan tegar di medan peperangan daripada mereka yg sudah terikat dan terganggu oleh anggota keluarga yang ditinggal dirumah. Akan tetapi, Valentine melanggar peraturan itu dan menikahkan mereka secara sembunyi-sembunyi. Kemudian dia ditangkap dan dihukum gantung pada tanggal 14 Februari.

Konon ceritanya.. Selama ia di penjara, hampir setiap hari dia membuat kartu bergambar hati dengan ucapan singkat "I love you - from your Valentine". Dan kartu itu pun dikirimkan ke setiap orang yang dia sayangi. Semangat kasih sayang itu pun menular ke orang-orang yang berada di penjara itu. Mereka menempelkan kartu-kartu bergambar hati itu di selnya masing-masing. Dari sinilah istilah "your/my valentine" itu muncul.

Kemudian, karena semangat cinta kasihnya, dia diangkat menjadi Santo Valentine. Dan hari valentine itu pun terus diperingati sampai sekarang.

"Love doesn't make the world go round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile" -

Franklin P. Jones

14.02.07 ~ via, your Valentine

Love is..

Ada yang bertanya, apakah cinta itu?

Cinta adalah energi. Seperti layaknya energi, dia tidak bisa diciptakan atau dimusnahkan.. hanya mengalir dan berubah wujud. Seperti sebuah lirik lagu, cinta setinggi angkasa dan sedalam lautan.. tidak dapat diukur dan tidak absolute. Kadang energi itu bisa menjadi begitu kuat, dan kadang ia pun dapat menjadi lemah bahkan tidak terasa.

Cinta tidak terlekang oleh waktu, dan tidak ada masa kadaluarsa untuk cinta. Karena cinta bukanlah sebuah project yang diberi deadline. Energi cinta harus seimbang, memberi dan diberi dalam kadar yang pas. Terlalu banyak memberi akan menguras energi dan menjadi lelah. Terlalu banyak diberi pun akan membuat letih karena terlalu banyak energi yang harus ditampung.

Energi yang positive dari lingkungan sekitar merupakan pupuk bagi cinta itu sendiri. Orang yang hidup dikelilingi energi yang positive akan lebih menikmati cinta dibandingkan dengan orang yang hidup dikelilingi energi negative. Energi negative itu pelan2 dapat mematikan energi cinta. Dan energi cinta itu pun berubah bentuk menjadi kebencian, kemarahan, dendam, dll.

Jadi, hiduplah dengan energi positive dan cinta pun akan tumbuh. Hiduplah dengan energi negative, maka dendam pun akan tumbuh.

“Love is like energy. It can never be created nor destroyed...it is just always there. You just have to realize that fact” - Ian Philpot

15.11.07 ~ via, energized by love

Soulmates

Percayakah anda pada belahan jiwa, atau yang lebih kerennya disebut soulmate? Ada satu cerita dari seorang sahabat, katanya.. dulu manusia diciptakan berpasangan, dan tubuh mereka terlekat satu sama lainnya. Namun, suatu hari mereka meminta kepada Tuhan.. "Tuhan, kami ingin merasakan memiliki tubuh masing2 dan tidak ingin terlekat seperti ini". Karena kesungguhan mereka, permintaan itu pun dikabulkan. 1 jiwa untuk 1 tubuh. Akhirnya kini, manusia diciptakan seperti itu.. dan mereka pun harus terus mencari belahan jiwanya masing2.

Aku sendiri sering mengatakan kepada teman-temanku. Soulmate itu adalah: orang yang tepat pada waktu yang tepat. Karena, jika orang yang tepat itu datang pada saat yang tidak tepat (sudah terikat, belum bebas, atau terpisah jarak) maka cinta itu tak akan terjadi. Begitu juga sebaliknya, walaupun waktunya tepat, namun apabila orangnya tidak tepat. Tidak akan terjadi juga.

Beberapa orang, pada saat jatuh cinta akan berpikir "ah, dia pasti soulmate gue". Tapi, apa yang akan terjadi jika pada akhirnya nanti mereka putus? "ah, ternyata dia bukan soulmate gue". Buat aku, bukan begitu caranya menilai apakah si dia belahan jiwa kita. Penilaian itu baru akan terjadi di akhir cerita.. Selama cerita itu belum berakhir, maka tidak ada satu kesimpulan apapun yang dapat diambil.

"Have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart. Try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books written in a foreign language. Do not now look for the answers. They cannot now be given to you because you could not live them. It is a question of experiencing everything. At present you need to live the question. Perhaps you will gradually, without even noticing it, find yourself experiencing the answer, some distant day." - Rainer Maria Rilke

13.11.2007 ~ via, just a thought