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Sunday, April 22, 2007

In The Silence of The Night

"If a man's mind becomes pure, his surroundings will also become pure. - Siddh√£rtha Gautama Buddha"

Hmm.. It felt like it's been a long long time ago since the last time I enjoyed this moments. Moments of silence. Here I am sitting on the front porch, accompanied by the sound of nature. I can hear the grasshoppers crick-ing, rubbing their wings. I can smell the scent of the newly cut grass. hmm, it really tranquilized me. I enjoyed the calm and peaceful moment of it.

Suddenly, the wood fairy greets me, "my dear, what's running through your mind?" and I said "nothing, my dear fairy. there's nothing running through my mind". Then she replies "It's ok my dear child.. you can't fool your heart", and I was stunned. Does my face really showed it? and I said "ok fairy, I was just thinking about my life, about my self. I no longer know who I am. what's my name, and what is my purpose to be here. I know in this life there's a lot of bad people everywhere.. and there's also the good ones. but I guess, it's just too frightening for me. And I don't know where I am now".

In her wise tones the wood fairies says,"don't you ever worry my dear, just follow your heart 'cos heart won't lie. I'll be here to watch you and guide you. Just know that no matter how bad people are, you have to stand up for your own. Never go and blend with the wolves. A kind heart is the most rare thing that anyone could ever seek for in this world. That's why my dear.. keep yourself the way that you were. Just be sure what goes around comes around."

And again, I was stunned.. thinking how life has turned around for me. I remembered her face, the face of a backstabber. My emotions are mixed up. I am mad! I am sad! Suddenly a lot of things rushed back in my mind. Those things just run around n around in my mind, making a lot of noises. Ah! Forget it! I don't wanna think about it!

I looked at the trees, and I just smiled and says "thank you wood fairy, now I know what to do. I'll spread kindness and love to them. And if I ever get hurt, perhaps I'll just come to you and whine.. hahaha.." and the wood fairies laughed with me. We all laugh loud and hard.

Then they slowly fades away.. Fading with all my troubles and negative emotions. I feel lighter, I feel stronger and I forgave those who did me wrong. But no.. I didn't forget 'em. Cos, that will be (again) my lessons of life, and I'll teach 'em to my offsprings later.

Personal note: thanks to my "real" wood fairies, thank you for encouraging and supporting me when I'm down low. Thanks for keeping my heart pure and protecting me from the bads.

“It is astonishing what force, purity, and wisdom it requires for a human being to keep clear of falsehoods. - Margaret Fuller”

22.04.07 ~ via, purity

Wednesday, April 18, 2007


Hey, i did some quizes from blogthings and the results are:

You Are A Romantic Realist
You tend to be grounded when it comes to romance. Sure, you can fall hard... but only for someone you've gotten to know. And once you're in love, you can be a total romantic goofball... But you'd never admit it to your friends!

You Are a Ring Finger
You are romantic, expressive, and hopeful. You see the best in everything.
You are very artistic, and you see the world as your canvas. You are also drawn to the written word.
Inventive and unique, you are often away in your own inner world.

You get along well with: The Pinky
Stay away from: The Index Finger

Your Power Color Is Red-Orange
At Your Highest: You are warm, sensitive, and focused on your personal growth.
At Your Lowest: You become defensive and critical if you feel attacked.
In Love: You are loyal - but you demand the respect you deserve.
How You're Attractive: You are very affectionate and inspire trust.
Your Eternal Question: "Am I Respected?"

Kalo lagi iseng, silakan dicoba2 aja.. hehehe.. lucu juga kok buat ngabisin waktu luang ;)

18.04.07 ~ via, lagi iseng banget

December 2006

"Today.. I remembered it all. The memories appears in my mind. And I erase them one by one.."

Hmm.. Hari ini sedang iseng, aku membuka inbox sms ku. Kubaca satu persatu sms-sms yang pernah datang menyapaku dulu. Tiba-tiba kenangan itu datang lagi. Dan apa? Aku hanya tersenyum, membayangkan saat itu. December 2006. Ya! Itu tanggal yang tertera di kolom "Sent:" setelah kolom "From:". Hmm.. from.. di kolom itu tertera nama seorang wanita yang dulu pernah datang di dalam kehidupanku, ketika semuanya sedang kacau. Dia yang sedang patah hati dan aku yg sedang patah hati.

Eiittss.. tunggu dulu. Kisah ini bukan kisah cinta. No no.. Tidak pernah terjadi hubungan romantis diantara kami berdua. Kami hanyalah sepasang perempuan yang sedang mengalami pedihnya patah hati, dan saling men-support satu sama lain. SMS darinya menceritakan betapa rapuh dirinya pada saat itu, mengenai tempat persembunyian rahasia kami, dan mengenai semua tulisan yg dia buat. Hmm.. kembali sebuah senyum kecil tersirat di wajahku. Kemanakah gerangan k*l*n** kecil itu?

SMS selanjutnya datang dari seorang teman (A) yang baru Coming Out kepada teman terdekatnya, kita sebut saja namanya B. Untungnya, B bisa menerima dengan baik keadaan A. Dan diapun sudah pernah "merasa" dan "mengira" bahwa A adalah seorang lesbian. Dan setelah pengakuan itu, mereka pun berbincang-bincang mengenai rencana mereka untuk ke depannya. Hmm.. masih kuingat perasaanku saat itu, saat membaca sms dari A. Bahagia? Yah mungkin aku turut berbahagia untuknya. Bingung? Ya.. Kaget? Tentu saja.. Kuatir? Sangat! Yup, aku kuatir akan apa yg mungkin terjadi kepada A setelah itu.. Dan kisah selanjutnya adalah misteri A. Aku tidak akan menceritakannya disini.

December 2006. 31 hari yang penuh gejolak, penuh misteri, dan penuh cerita. Dan hanya handphoneku tercinta yang menjadi saksi bisu segalanya.

18.04.07 ~ via, *tidit.. tidit..* 1 message received.