Reverie

It's a beautiful afternoon and I'm sitting in front of my window listening to the CD playing. "pam pam dubidu du bap.." The melody is so relaxing, it flies me away with my thoughts. I was lost in reverie.

It takes me away to 9 months ago when I met my friends. A group of people with their unique personalities. I enjoyed being with them, there is a positive energy surrounding us. A group of people who just met and introduce themselves. They, who choose the same path on their life.

1,2..3.. and 9 months had passed. Things happened; misunderstandings, backstabbing, gossips, love triangle, one sided love and much more. Such a short time for that much incidents. 9 months to get to know people better, to know YOUR FRIENDS better. Suprised? Sure, I had suprises. Some flaws that I just discovered after some time.

Hey, but that doesn't matter. People aren't perfect. I remember not long ago, me and my friend had a misunderstanding. She accuse me of something which I never thought of, and yeah.. we screamed at each other. But we cleared it up at that same day and we made up. It's a bit awkward for the two of us for some time, but then I understands that it was just a phase that we have to go through. If we can deal with it nicely then we can be closer than before. But if we both give up, then she will be just another memory of a friend for me. Thank God we both took the first option, now we are closer than before and I'm blessed to have a friend like her.

A friend once said, friendship has a stronger bond than relationship. Maybe.. Maybe not..

Slowly, one by one their faces appear in my mind. I opened my book of memory and flip them one by one. Gently. There they are, my friends, each has a different storyline and connected by one little dot in the middle, me. I read each storyline, I felt each emotion then I close my eyes.. Silence.. Calm.. just enjoying this feeling..

*Zzzz..ZzzZz..*

24.08.07 ~ via, another great afternoon

I Learn..

Life is the only real counselor; wisdom unfiltered through personal experience does not become a part of the moral tissue. - Edith Wharton

"Kamu berubah"
"Berubah apanya", tanyaku.
"Kamu tidak sehangat dulu lagi.. entahlah.. berubah"

Itu dialog chat kami beberapa bulan lalu, antara aku dan seorang teman dekatku. Dia merupakan salah seorang teman yang kukenal pertama kali saat aku mengikuti acara lesbian di Jakarta Selatan.

*Zap* kata-kata itu membawaku ke setahun lalu, dimana aku masih seorang anak polos dan penuh keingintahuan tentang dunia lesbian. Aku yang merasakan seperti baru terlahir kembali, seperti anak kecil yang selalu bertanya kepada orang tuanya, "ma, ini apa?" atau "papa lagi ngapain? itu apa ciih?"

Kemudian perjalanan waktu lah yang akan membentuk anak itu seperti apa di usia dewasanya. Manusia belajar dari teori di buku, dan manusia pun belajar dari pengalamannya. Belajar dan bangkit dari traumanya. Dan semua pelajaran itu yang akan membentuk pribadi seseorang, menjadi lebih baik atau menjadi menyedihkan.

Si anak kecil pun belajar bahwa;
1. ada beberapa hal yang boleh diketahui dan ada beberapa hal pula yang sebaiknya tidak perlu diketahui.
2. Teman tidak selalu untuk selamanya.
3. Pasrah dan menerima keadaan akan membuat segalanya lebih mudah.
4. Perjuangkanlah hal yang patut diperjuangkan dan jangan memaksa untuk hal yang memang bukan milik kita.
5. Kesedihan hanyalah suatu fase di dalam hidup. Begitu pula kebahagiaan. Oleh karena itu, rasakanlah.. nikmatilah.. Karena engkau hidup.
6. ...

Pelajaran-pelajaran itulah yang telah merubahku menjadi aku sekarang. Selama 23 tahun hidupku sampai hari ini, aku terus belajar dan akan terus belajar sampai hembusan nafas terakhirku. Mungkin sampai saat itu tiba, catatan itu akan terus bertambah dari 5 ke 10 ke 20 dan seterusnya.

Jadi, apa yang telah Anda pelajari hari ini?

You must learn day by day, year by year, to broaden your horizon. The more things you love, the more you are interested in, the more you enjoy, the more you are indignant about, the more you have left when anything happens. - Ethel Barrymore

21.08.07 ~ via, just a little kid